i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
