my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
