Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
third nipple confirmed
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize