Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
