That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
