I hate your face
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize