can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
