Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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