Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
