Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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