There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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