I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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