No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
