oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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