someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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