I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
