omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
