Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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