ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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