also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
