Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize