Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
