Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
