My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
