Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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