Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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