I CAN MOONWALK!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
