explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
