woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize