names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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