If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
