THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
