I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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