I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
