I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
