Duck Duck Cougar?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize