if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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