hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
