i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
