Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize