im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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