this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
