bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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