Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
