I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
