I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
