He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
