it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
