I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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