OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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