ugly people sure do ruin things
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
