Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
