OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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