I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
