after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
