you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
