My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
