I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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