would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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