Got a toothbrush?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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