btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize