i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
