Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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