Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
