I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Congratulations! We have a period
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
