my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
