and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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