btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
