So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
