i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
