I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize