I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
