we're blogging at a bar
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
