This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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