Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
