I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize