Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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