it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
