Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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