his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
how drunk are you?
Several
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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