so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
