I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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