I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
why is half of my head shaved?
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