I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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