I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Don't make out with my wife yet
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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