So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize