69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
