And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
