Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
