I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
