Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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