its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
babies were throwing up all over the place
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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