I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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