I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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