Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
