the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
