that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I am available for nakedness
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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