can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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