Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
