made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
organizing the empties. That sober.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
