We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
