Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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