You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
