I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
